"It’s like when I go to sleep now?
He’s just in a lot of my dreams.
When I dream, he’s in ‘em.
I don’t be dreaming most of the time...
sometimes I don’t dream,
but when I dream,
he’s in ‘em.
I don’t think nobody can actually feel what I went through?
Can’t nobody really understand it?
In the hospital I was thinking “I’m still here.”
I wanted to know why I was still here,
because the way that incident was,
I shouldn’t have even been here, either.
For some reason, I was here.
I wound up surviving it.
I wasn’t supposed to.
I didn’t feel for a minute that I was supposed to.
Like, when it happened,
I was like... I wanted to know,
I wanted to know WHY I wound up stayin’?
And then I just started havin’ all these dreams and everything.
It just started messin’ me up.
And I had to get back to . . . .
I had to concentrate on somethin’ else.
So I tried to not think about it so much?
But then, like, every now and then
a memory will come back...
then I can feel it.
It’s like I can still see him bein’ alive.
And then, as soon as I still see him bein’ alive,
I get hit with the reality -- he’s dead.
It’s like right then and there.
As soon as I think about, having flashback of him sayin’ somethin’
or doing something?
It’s like, boom, right back.
And sometimes... since me and him was so close to each other,
I can actually see the grave.
I be up there, like, “Damn! I can see this.”
It’s like I’m inside his head.
I can feel this.
I can feel how it is to be in a grave.
And I didn’t like that.
I don’t like that feeling.
Every now and then, it comes.
It really... it comes.
I be like, “Damn!
I can feel this!”