Safety is a big issue for me. Not just because of 9/11. This is a life issue.
Thoughts on 9/11
Ten Years Later
Will We Ever Feel Safe Again?
Safety is a big issue for me. Not just because of 9/11. This is a life issue. I have always thought about how whether I am safe, and later, how to keep my children safe. Over this past weekend I’ve been thinking about how the safety issue presented itself to me that morning. I had driven part of the way into work to take my then husband to a job interview. I turned off the car, unaware that NPR was about to report on the events emerging. I parked the car so that he would have it and walked to catch a bus to work. I loved the crisp, blue-sky day and the promise of fall that was in the air. I would say that it was a morning that found me on the low-concerned end of safety issues. I boarded the bus and sat down beside a black woman who appeared to be in her early 30’s. A man got on the next stop talking loudly as if drunk and the bus’ atmosphere took on a slightly threatening tone. He was agitated and was spewing an angry rant. Some of the riders were visibly uncomfortable, shifted in their seats and tried not to look his way. I was doing the same while keeping one eye in his direction to make sure that he didn’t get any closer or do something aggressive. The woman beside me pulled her bag closer to her chest and began to express her discomfort in my direction. “This is why I don’t come out….I just stay in my house, I don’t even ride the train because of people like this. It’s just not safe out here”. I remember thinking that her position was so extreme. Yes, this was unpleasant and while the bus driver had asked the man to leave the bus, the situation was never out of control. Yet this woman had revealed a troublingly personal sense of vulnerability about being in the world and I took notice of it and believed she meant it. I thought it poignant for such a young person to have reached this conclusion.
On the way to my office I passed an office where a tv screen showed the unbelievable images and I became increasingly anxious. My thoughts went immediately to my family, my children and how to connect with them. A number of people started to talk of heading home. It seemed right, in the world of child welfare (my work) that we should be thinking of the children. My instinct to leave was confirmed by a man in the elevator who introduced himself to me so that we could talk about what was happening. It was a generous gesture that we both needed to try and make sense of what was happening and justify our heading home just as the work day was beginning. He said simply, “We have to take care of our babies”. He took note of the fact that I am a native New Yorker and wished me safety as he waved off. Ten years later, although we don’t work in the same building, he calls to me if we pass on the street, “Hey New York!”
I met up with my family and we nestled at home with a great concern that turned to our very shaken 11 year old daughter and 9 year old son. We tried to explain what had happened and why despite this, they were safe with us and at home. I thought of meeting that woman on the bus, her words and her fear before the events of the day had unfolded and wondered if she would ever leave her home again.
I didn’t know how I would feel at the 10 year mark and I woke yesterday wondering if something bad would happen. I can’t say that it lingered throughout the day. In spite of the fact that America’s sense of safety has been shaken by the events of that day, I took notice of the poignant words of family members who have found goodness in others and hope of a safe world.